I have a big problem.
Before winter break life was wonderful. i was extremly popular, had many, MANY boyfriends and makeout buddies, and was honestly loved by everyone. I felt beautiful simply because boys told me i was. The last day of winter break changed everything. I used to live in San Fransisco and had a best friend. He died the last day of winter break. He was only 14 and died from lukimia. It had been an on going struggle but i never thought he would really die. I hadn’t seen him for a year, yet his death changed me, for the worse. I looked in the mirror and saw ugly. I feel like no one can ever love me. I feel fat and gross, and it changed me so much guys never talk to me because i never flirt with them anymore. I don’t beleive in God anymore. And yet i feel gulity, but i still think God is a fake that wants to touture us. I don’t know what to do. Why would God kill off a helpless boy? Why don’t i feel beautiful anymore? And why, why, why do i need boys to help me feel pretty? Because they dont say i’m pretty anymore. Yet my features haven’t changed? So this really doesn’t make much sense.
I’m sorry to bother u but i need help, now, before it’s too late,
No, it doesn’t make sense. My first reaction, when I read your email, was that it is reading like a novel, a made-up tale. The more I think about it, however, and especially if you have experienced this extreme high and extreme low before, I’m wondering if you don’t have a medical condition that needs a doctor’s help. NO ONE is loved by everyone and no one has a life that is completely wonderful. But let’s take you at your word that you felt this way, and I agree it’s a great feeling to have. And then, in a single brush stroke, a friend across the country, whom you hadn’t seen for a year (yet you call your best friend), dies, and suddenly your bubble bursts. (Meanwhile, however, soldiers die in Iraq, natural calamities happen, the newspapers and TV tell stories of abused children and serial killers, that don’t seem to have any affect on your happiness and popularity). You end your email with “I need help now before it’s too late.” I agree. These highs and lows are taking over your life, and I hope you will talk with a counselor and a medical person soon to see how to stabilize your daily living and your perceptions about yourself.