Huge Problem


I have a huge problem. You see, there is this guy I really, really, really, like (mostly I love him), but it is so hard for me to tell him how I feel. He and I have been friends for three years now and he used to like me (he might still) and I totally love him to bits. But, ever since he came to my school, he has been treating me like I don’t exist. Why is that so? I want to tell him how I feel but when he looks me in the eyes, I freeze up and act like a total idiot. I have tried at least several times to tell him how I feel. I just can’t do it. But, I keep trying no matter what. All of my friends think he is a total jerk to me, but they don’t know him like I know him. He is a year younger than me. Okay, let me tell you how this all happened.

I met him in the 5th grade at the age of 11. That night we met, I spilled so many secrets to him, not thinking that maybe he’d tell everyone he could. I just felt something that told me I could trust him. Is that love at first site? Because, after that I didn’t know his name for at least three months. Well, I went to his house one day and we (his brother, him and I)(by the way, I was 12 when this part happened) were all sitting on his swing set when I asked, “So, who do you like?” He told me this one girl he was dating and how he was going to her Birthday party next weekend. I believed him and just nodded my head sadly. Then, he asked, “Who do you like?” Oh, boy! I had to think quickly so I said, “Roger. He rides my bus.” And, ever since I said that, (We’ll call the guy I love SP) SP has treated me differently. He became mean and he always acted before thinking about what he was doing to me. Before I ever told him I “liked” Roger, he was so sweet and nice to me (Reason 1 why I fell so hard for him) but after that his personality changed. Why did his attitude towards me change?
That same summer, we (my dad, SP’s dad, SP’s brother, SP, and me) all went four-wheeling (that’s how I met him because all of us loved four-wheeling) and it was night time since we were camping out. His dad and brother and my dad went to take there showers. I had taken mine already but he hadn’t taken his. It was just SP and me. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and that he was the only guy I could think about, but… when I looked at him, I froze… It was awful. I never thought that because I didn’t tell him would change my life so badly. (by the way, I was 13 when this happened)
School started and about a month into it, he broke my heart so badly! SP was “dating” Sabrina and it sent me over a cliff when i found out. I got the bus driver involved because I would have her tell me everything she knew about them. So, anyways, he sent me into a depression. When I would get home from school, I’d go take a walk in the woods and just sit on the path and cry until my eyes hurt so badly I couldn’t cry anymore. This was and is the guy that has ever sent me to tears. I never in my life have loved someone the way I love him. His girlfriend and a friend of hers would mess with me. They would tell me all these lies. The worst one was that he hated me. When I heard this, I became so angry/saddened and took my anger on myself. I seriously messed up when I told those girls to tell him to “go to hell” which is a bad thing for him since he is a big Catholic. I still feel bad about that. I don’t think it ever got to him though. So, I wrote him a note asking if we were still friends and how he was. I handed it to my bus driver who was glad to help me. The next day, I got a note back. He said that we were still friends and he wanted me to ride the elementary route home with him. It was really sweet of him. I still have that note today. I read it when I am down.
Now, I am 14 years old and want to know if I should just tell him how badly I love him or should I move on and find someone else like all my friends are telling me to do? Please help me! I am so depressed and sad that I only think of him…
Phyllis replied:
Seems to me you reply a lot on looks and silences and messages delivered by bus drivers and friends’ remarks….   When you sent him a note before, asking if you were still friends, you got a positive reply.  Why don’t you just try that again?  Keep it simple.  Don’t tell him you love him.  If he replies in a friendly manner, why can’t you two actually get together?  Go to a movie, go for ice cream, watch a DVD, anywhere where you can actually interact and talk to each other, without all this drama.

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